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Don’t Pass the Blame….

The world is filled with things we don’t want to see, hear, or want to happen. What we fail to understand is the fact that we’re the problem.

Everyone is quick to say that they won’t stop doing something until another group stops doing it. Or they’re doing it, so I’m going to do it too.

Wake up people! Two wrongs don’t make a right so you know damn well millions and billions of wrongs don’t make a right.

It’s not about one group of people sticking together. It’s about all of us working and sticking together.

In the same way we teach our kids to be nice and share, we also teach them to hate and be selfish.

Are we too far off in fucked up ways to fix everything?

We will always be divided if we don’t learn to put our differences aside and make a better world for the future.

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Forgive and forget or forgive, but don’t forget…..

This is inspired by an article I read earlier. It was about the art of paying attention. I decided to write about something that we use in our everyday lives. I thought about how we use it, why we use it, what does it mean when we use it, and how our tone shapes the way we use it.

In my opinion, a majority of us think about forgiving and forgetting in this way:

When you forgive, you free yourself…..

Some also believe that forgetting will free you too…..

……does it?

Forgive and forget has their fair share of meanings and they pretty much mean the same thing. Both words express “letting go”. If you look deep enough, you’ll find “forgive” in “forget” and vice versa.

When we say “forgive and forget” or “forgive, but don’t forget”, what are we telling one another? Let go and let go? Or are we saying to “stop the blame and don’t remember”? Is that the same thing or does one have a stronger meaning than the other. There are so many combinations that can run us in circles.

I always thought when you truly forgive someone, it frees you. It removes the animosity you have towards the individual that caused the negative impact. It prevents you from bringing that anger to your new relationships and situations.

I always took forgetting as leaving behind the past and never looking back.

Let’s talk about relationships…

If you walk into another relationship (personal or professional) and you are overcome by anger when approaching a situation similar to the one that ended negatively, you haven’t forgiven the other person/people and/or yourself. There is more to leaving a bad thing in the past than just walking away. You have to face it, not let it hold you back, or scare you.

There are a few things you should walk yourself through in order to let go:

Get a better understanding of why it happened. Ask the right questions.
Be ready take responsibility for your role in this situation. How did your involvement impact decisions made by others?
Be sure you’re upset for the right reasons and with the right people.
Listen to those involved and get their point of view. Put yourself in their shoes.
Put it together and come to a conclusion. It was either something that could or could not be controlled. If it was preventable, take note of it and prepare for it in the future. If it couldn’t be controlled, chalk it up to, “the things that could happen,” and take note of it. Don’t let it discourage you.
Forgive yourself first, forgive those involved, but never forget what happened.

…and of course, there’s this one…

“If anyone asks, we never had this conversation.”

That means, “Remember this conversation when you need to, but forget it when you have to.”

Apply that same concept. Don’t let it work against you, make it work for you. When you learn to forgive and not forget, you’ll be better prepared for the future.

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The Element of Surprise

There’s no fun in knowing everything…..

The excitement is in teaching…..

The fun is in learning…..

If we knew everything, everyone would be arrogant smart asses, and no one would be able to tell anyone anything.

Allowing ourselves to learn while we teach others promotes creativity, openness, and new ideas.
There is no fun in having everything…..

The excitement is in earning a living…..

The fun is in going out to get it……

If we had everything we ever wanted, it would get old all at once, we would be miserable, and have nothing worth remembering.

If we learn to appreciate what we have, we take the time to enjoy it and won’t have to live with the regret of not creating memories.

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Learn the Game

Applying for a job online is like playing the computer in a fighting game for the first time.

You have to get beat down while gaining experience to make it to the next level.

…..and then there are those that cheat…..

Lies and deceit are like cheat codes.

They can only get you so far. When it’s time to face the real challenge, you can’t work the joystick because you have no knowledge of the moves.

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Own It, Master It

For years, rejection had been an issue for me when I applied for jobs.

I let it get me down to a point where I wanted to give up on myself.

Before reaching my breaking point, I did what people normally do to get a better job. I went to school, got good grades, graduated, and built a better ME…..

It didn’t work and I soon felt I was reaching that breaking point again.

I thought it was me and I thought I wasn’t good enough….but none of that was or is true.

I never saw myself as a threat and I never threatened anyone’s job. I saw this as me needing more experience to go along with my education….but what wasn’t clear to me then is clear to me now:

  • I am a threat.
  • I still never threatened anyone’s job.
  • I have plenty of experience.
  • I carried duties without the title or the pay.
  • I worked extra hard to get nowhere with the companies I worked for.

So I decided to do things I said I would never do and things that I always wanted to do:

  • I started networking.
  • I started a business.
  • I started a blog.
  • I still apply for jobs and get upset, but now I tell myself it’s not me, they’re just not ready for someone like me.
  • I make it my business to keep learning.
  • I say no.
  • I give everything at least one chance.
  • I give people second chances. Not third or fourth chances.
  • I never treat anyone the way I was treated.
  • I don’t let people use me.
  • I like making mistakes because I learn from them.
  • I stopped trying to control things I cannot control.
  • I stopped putting time into people that do not want to help themselves.
  • I bite my tongue……..when I am asleep.
  • I think deeply.
  • I dream with my eyes open.
  • I pay attention to everything.
  • I follow my first mind.
  • I take no for an answer.
  • I write things down.
  • I remember who I was, I know who I’ve become, I am proud of who I am, and I love myself.